One of the more difficult conversations we can have is when someone is giving us feedback. We know feedback is supposed to be helpful but it is often plagued by our human need to:
- Be right
- Have the answer
- Have it all figured out
- Protect ourselves.
Here is a part of an email Chip (my business partner) recently used to help a group of Christian leaders engage in receiving feedback. He prefaced it in a way that invited input and feedback on his own leadership. Take a read….
“I thought I would send you this verse that I found in my morning devotional. I found it helpful as I reflected on my own leadership and my need for humility. Please hold me accountable as I continue to work on this along with you.
In this passage, Jesus thanks His Father that it was not to these “experts” (the Pharisees) to whom He had revealed spiritual truth. It was to those who were humble and who recognized their need for God’s help and revelation.
Often when leaders receive feedback they see it as failure. The feedback is often met with surprise. It often shakes their sense of identity. It shouldn’t be. People with the most knowledge and skills can be the ones least responsive to God. Knowledge and success can easily lead to pride, and pride impedes us from seeking God.”
Here are 5 ego traps that reduce our ability to learn and grow; keeping us from being the “child” Jesus invites us to be.
Ego Trap #1 We believe we know all we need to know.
In this frame it is so very difficult to hear an opportunity to grow and become more of who we were designed to be. Our existing knowledge and perceptions can get in the way of what God may have for us as we receive the feedback. Jeremiah 9:23
Ego Trap #2 We need to have all the answers.
If you read the gospels you will see that Jesus did it differently. He knew that the best way to love someone was to ask them a thoughtful “full of grace and truth” question.
Ego Trap #3 Our view of success is warped.
Depending on our view of success we may see possession, position, power, accomplishment, approval and more as the definition of our success. Just like the Pharisees, our fear of not being “successful” results in us missing the most important things Jesus is inviting us into. Joshua 1:8-9
Ego Trap #4 Depending on our own insight and wisdom.
We live in a culture that actively encourages us to depend on ourselves, to look to our own insight and understanding. In some ways not much has changed over the millennia. God is clear that we are to look to Him and not our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6
Ego Trap #5 We are blind to our judgment.
When we become “wise in our own eyes” our default position is one of judgment. We begin to focus on the shortcomings of others and stay blinded to how much growth is still required in ourselves. Jesus informs our thinking about this trap in Matthew 7:1-5.
“Pride is concerned with who is right.
Humility is concerned with what is right.”
Ezra Taft Benson
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Proverbs 4:23
“…And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honour. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:5-7
So when you receive feedback what choice will you make – adult or child?
A Maverick Application:
- What do others say about my capacity to receive feedback? Would they say that I am “wise in my own eyes” or that I have a humble and teachable spirit?
- My friends or spouse or kids?
- My team?
- My community?
- Do I become defensive if someone shares a concern about me, offers feedback or maybe even criticizes me?
- How would Jesus describe me – a Pharisee or a child?
- Ask – “Who do I need to apologize to for not receiving their feedback very well?” When will I do it?
Pray and ask God to help you become more like the child He wants you to be.
