I am so frustrated with them!! It’s happening again. It’s all you can do to contain yourself as you get away to create space – hopefully some peace.
You are not sure what to do with your intense emotions. You need to talk to someone! You need to get this “off of your chest”. You walk into a coffee shop, and see a friend who notices immediately that you are not in a good place. They say, “What’s up?” And so you vent, you let it all out!
As it spills out it “feels so good”. You feel justified. And yet, at the same time, like a dam breaking, something feels not so right. You can’t shake that sensation.
Sound familiar?
As employers, leaders, family members we are often faced with this situation. What do we do when we know we need to discuss a tough situation with another person, to get perspective and insight? How do we do it well so that we not only avoid slipping into the murky waters of gossip, we actually lead self and others into a “Gossip Free Zone”?
In the world of conversation we firmly believe that….
- As we learn how to love God, others and ourselves we can fundamentally change how we talk about other people.
- We can talk about others in such a way that, although that person may not “like” the discussion they genuinely know they have been valued and honoured in the discussion.
- We can learn how to process very real and strong emotions in healthy ways that honor all involved.
Do you believe these 3 points?
Take a moment to reflect……… Why or why not? What’s the impact of your answer on you? … on others?
Your answer will have a large impact on your leadership ability to create a “Gossip Free Zone!”
Download Our “Gossip Free Zone” Poster
Condoning gossip is a sure way to diminish the testimony of our God in the businesses, homes and communities He has entrusted to us.
Here are 5 guiding questions based on Ephesians 4:29 we can use to help create a “Gossip Free Zone”..
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
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Is this conversation “wholesome”?
- Are the words I am using reflecting my desire to be a godly man or woman?
- Am I “letting it out” in away that is “wholesome”?
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Is this conversation “helpful”?
- Is the person I am processing with mature and objective enough to help me stay away from gossip?
- Would the person I am speaking about feel valued even though they may not “like” what is being said?
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Is this conversation “building others up”?
- Is my motive to help this person grow, mature, and step into what is possible for them? Or…
- Is my motive one that is more vindictive, judgmental and “tearing down”?
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Is this conversation meeting a “need”?
- If there is no need being met, then there is no need to talk. It is that simple.
- If the need to talk is legitimate then the onus on those involved is to learn how to do so in a way that values the person being discussed.
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Is this conversation “benefiting those who listen”?
- Often we speak about people to others and the discussion is not adding any value to those hearing.
- If there is no benefit then I need to ask, “Why am I telling them this information?” What is my motive?
Download Our Worksheet For Refection & Discussion
These 5 questions have both challenged me and helped me for many years. At times I do find myself slipping back into the muddy waters of inappropriate venting and gossip. God’s prompting catches up with me and I need to “clean up my mess”, so to speak. It is not easy!!
If you pursue leading self and others into a “Gossip Free Zone” I will guarantee greater trust & more relational ease. There will be far less wear and tear on you and others, both at work and at home.
Download Our “Gossip Free Zone” Poster
Although far from perfect, I am glad I am working on making my world a “Gossip Free Zone”! How about you?
Download Our Worksheet For Refection & Discussion
I hope that our post was helpful. If so, please share it with your friends and colleagues.
Let us know what you think! pete@deliberateu.com
Pete
