The issue clarified as I walked alongside a leader engaged in a serious conflict with another leader in the company. It also became clear that, unless this leader was willing to engage in a monumental SHIFT of perspective, all would be lost – at least for the foreseeable future.
If this SHIFT did not take place, serious consequences would occur:
1. Both leaders were clear that, if things didn’t change, they were going to “move on”.
2. One senior leader moving on would have been a major blow to the company – having 2 leave would likely have dealt a deathblow to the business.
3. Both leaders were Christ followers whose faith claims were well known to the rest of the team. How they were treating one another was a serious obstacle to the movement of God both in them and the rest of the team.
4. The angst and stress experienced was staggering. This unresolved conflict was implicating their health and their relationships at work and at home.
5. The ongoing conflict was significantly limiting their ability to engage and provide the creative solutions needed by their clients.
6. The unresolved conflict was seriously implicating the willingness of future leaders to consider staying with the team. Younger leaders were watching!
Through the years Chip and I have assisted a number of leaders navigating serious conflicts. Some conflicts have been resolved well and have allowed the leaders involved to prosper relationally as well as in the business. Others, however, have resulted in much loss – even the dissolution of partnerships that had been in place for many years.
There are many potential roots of conflict with one other. I would suggest that there are 3 main principles which, if left unattended, result in unresolved conflict.
It is the same 3 principles that I have experienced:
- …..in different churches as I have worked at helping to resolve conflict that was threatening to “blow-up” their community.
- ……at the heart of every marriage conflict, every sibling rivalry, and every parent – child dispute.
- …….at the very heart of my own journey of learning to navigate conflict in a far more constructive and hopeful way.
When my marriage is going well and conflict is experienced in a healthy way, it is because these 3 are in clear view for me as I engage with my bride of over 30 years. (The next time you meet Cathy you can ask her how this is working for us – be my guest!)
Get these 3 principles “right” and you will experience more “ease” in your relationships. Get them “wrong” and you will reap much unnecessary “wear and tear”!
These 3 principles come straight from Jesus as he was engaged in conflict with the religious rulers of the day.Take a look at Matthew 22:36 – 40 NIV.
I suggest that, as leaders who claim Christ, we have only ONE CHOICE as we engage in the reality of what Jesus expressed as the “greatest” of all the wisdom. He was pretty clear that all things in life and living “hang” on these principles – including conflict!
Consider a conflict you have recently had or may be currently experiencing.
Conflict Principle #1 – In the midst of this conflict I am to “Love God with all my heart, soul and mind!”
1. Is there something that keeps me from humbling myself and submitting to God while I am engaged in this conflict? Could it be pride, a need to be right, a desire for “getting even”, a lack of trust in God and His work in my life?
2. Is there something about me that is keeping me from “loving God with all my heart, soul and mind”
Conflict Principle #2 – In the midst of this conflict I am to “love myself”.
1. What does the negative self talk sound like in my head?
2. Would it be language that reflects the beauty of who I am in Him?
3. Would He be pleased with how I am reflecting my value to Him and my role as His ambassador in this conflict?
Conflict Principle #3 – In the midst of this conflict I am to love my “neighbour”.
1. Would this person say that I have chosen to love them, “full of grace and truth”?
2. Have I sought to fully understand their perspective in this conflict? What do you think they would say about my attempts?
3. Have I been truthful with them? Has anything been left unsaid that really does need to be said?
I am convinced that, if I you and I engage in working through these 3 principles wholeheartedly, the volume of ongoing and unresolved conflict at work and at home would be dramatically reduced. Jesus is calling us to love Him, love ourselves and love one another. When we get that part right, we can do our part in making conflict “right”.
A Maverick Application:
- What are you “hearing” from God as you consider your view of this conflict?
- How is He informing your thinking about Him, about you, about the other person?
- What action may He be wanting you to take? James 1:22-25
- Is there someone you feel would benefit by hearing your reflections on God, you and this conflict? Ephesians 4:29
