It was the last thing I felt like doing – I needed to initiate a difficult conversation with someone. A few hours before, this person’s approach towards me was like a bit of the proverbial “bull in the china shop”!
The more intensely they pushed in, the more my back went up against the wall. The more this person demanded that I respond to them immediately, the more I found myself digging my own heels in. My Swiss-German ire was moving up – and fast!
In those moments the emotional hijack was alive and well in me. Thankfully, and by God’s grace, I chose to do the difficult, yet necessary in-the-moment work of keeping my emotions in a productive space for me and for the other person. (Not that I have always done it well – just to be clear.)
- I had to create space between my desire to retaliate and what I knew would be the “intelligent” response.
- I had to breathe and supply my brain with the needed oxygen so that it could function well – to be rational in my response.
- I needed to invoke gratitude so that I could right size the chemistry in my brain, flooding it with hormones that would help me bring a rationale, coherent response.
If you are looking for help on how to keep your emotions in check while under pressure, click on the button below. Trust me, you will be glad you did and so will those around you!
If you want to hear more about the powerful impact this course had on some of our mavericks, click on the video below.
The biggest issue for me was not so much about this person’s lack of awareness or skill in navigating their approach with me. What really set me back was how “amped” up I found myself as this person was intensely pushing in.
Have you ever had a discussion that did not go well? Afterwards, you ask yourself the question, “What was happening in me? What was I thinking???”
Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, said these words.
In addition to the above challenge, Frankl, in his book, “A Man’s Search For Meaning”, takes it up another level. He writes…
What is sobering for us Mavericks is that the above quote was provided in the context of his 3 years experience in various concentration camps. As a Jew he was interned in Auschwitz, Theresienstadt, and Dachau.
Jesus offers you and me a pathway to be able to navigate the challenges of people who, at times, may not treat us well. In Hebrews 12:2 we are reminded of how Jesus modeled this for you and me.
In between our human desire to retaliate and the call to love our fellow human being, we are to choose space. The writer of Hebrews gives us an amazing picture on what we can focus on as we create “space”. We are to keep our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.
Just like Jesus we are to see the joy, endure and not be seduced by the shame of the circumstance. At times I feel like I have so very far to go! I suspect you may feel the same sometimes.
I am humbled and grateful for what Jesus has done for us. Just like He did for me, you will hear His voice calling you to create space. Space to:
- Hear His voice.
- Consider a response that is honoring to Him, to the other person, to you.
I did invite the individual to revisit our interaction; to see if we could find common ground and re-establish a better relationship. It hasn’t always turned out well for me. This time it did.
I am thankful for the journey of learning to create space in these moments.
How about you?
A Maverick Application:
- In what relationships are you needing to create space so that you can lead a more productive discussion?
- How does Jesus’ example inform your thinking?
- Have you asked Him to help you?
- Are you willing to do the work to create space as you lead yourself and others well under pressure?
