If you want to spike a leader’s emotions, let them know that they will need to engage in a really difficult conversation with someone close to them. For most of us this is one of the last things we want to do. Many of you know what I mean….
At times, these not-so-fun-but-necessary discussions must be entered into. Often, that conversation has been “sitting”, unattended to, for far too long.
Maybe the person is:
Lying asleep next to you.
Sitting beside you as you “enjoy” Christmas dinner.
Singing a song of worship near you, in the same faith community.
Did you know that over 70% of family businesses never make it to the 2nd generation?
What do you do? How do you engage in a productive way, helping the relationship remain intact while addressing what is needed in the business? Is that even possible? In my experience, yes! Yet, most do not believe so. How about you?
In a 2014 Biz Journal article there are 3 BIG reasons why family businesses fail.
- “A family feud between members with equal power is inevitable.”
- “Emotions run wild!”
- “The family is ill-equipped to handle complex issues.”
For most, these responses are well rehearsed patterns locking us into foregone conclusions of frustration regarding unattended issues.
My friend and conversation mentor, Brady Wilson, from Juice Inc. describes 3 typical patterns. You…
- “Push” your perspective and agenda. In your mind, you don’t have time for this “soft, warm, unproductive” discussion. There is too much to do, so you “push”.
- “Avoid” what is needed to be said. You “know” that nothing will change so “why bother”!
- “Comply”. It seems like every time you try to discuss what is needed, you “give in”. It seems almost impossible to get your point across.
Do any of these sound familiar?
There is another option!! Christ invites us to approach these challenging conversations differently. He fully engaged in tough conversations, doing His part, and inviting those around him to do theirs. He brought a “partners” mindset to the conversation.
What mindset are you bringing to tough conversations?
There are 3 mindsets that have had a significant impact on me as I have engaged in many difficult conversations over the years. These 3 mindsets have provided me with clarity and ease (not easy) as I have experienced many “successful” tough conversations. They have been proven to be both effective and liberating!
Download “The 3 Mindsets” Reminder
The 3 Mindsets That Will Help You Engage In Challenging Conversations:
Mindset #1: I choose to humble myself! 1 Peter 5:2-7
The apostle Peter is quite clear on the posture for you and me as we give leadership into difficult situations. Godly humility is the crucial starting place for entering into tough conversations.
Mindset #2: I choose to operate with the “3 Loves” and not fear. Matthew 22:34-40
Jesus invites us to love in a different way. The world sees love one way. Jesus sees it differently. The apostle John makes this clear in 1 John 4:7-21. To engage in leading tough conversations well we must choose love and not fear. Love is choosing to extend oneself for the highest good of another – even when it is difficult.
Mindset #3: I choose to serve as I enter the conversation.
Too often our agenda in conversations is to serve one self and not the other. If we are serious in growing as Christ followers Jesus invites us to a different place. Mark 10:45 outlines for us the posture for you and me as we engage in difficult conversations. If you are familiar at all with Jesus’ engagement with people you would agree that He did not shy away from tough discussions. At the same time He did so with a full and unwavering commitment to serve. You and I are called to the same.
Download “The 3 Mindsets” Reminder
Maverick Application:
Review and reflect on the verses for each mindset.
- What is God teaching you about Him?
- What is He teaching you about you?
- What actions, if any, do you need to do as a result?
- Who do you want to share this with?
