I am sorry for how I treated you. I apologize” Three times these words were expressed as this leader cleaned up relational messes he had made with team members and clients. It was a process he had rarely engaged in – possibly never.
I had been working with this leader and his team for several weeks. It became clear that he was having an undesirable impact on people. For the most part, he was painfully unaware of how he was coming across; at some level, not sure how much it mattered. I began to invite him to grow and become who he was designed to be.
Each time I would raise an opportunity for him to “clean up a mess”, he would jump at it. While still learning how, he would quickly engage with the person he had “wronged” and make it right. He was clear on what was needed even if his “how” was unskilled.
What was it about him that wasn’t getting in the way, when so many others end up crippled in their leadership – Christian or not?
In my experience this one word is the MASSIVE difference between….
- Personal growth or stagnation
- Rich intimacy with Christ or exhausting religion
- Deep meaningful connection with people or loneliness
- Living a life that builds beautiful trust or sows the seeds of mistrust.
Would your friends, co-workers, family experience this word to be vibrant and alive in your life?
Humility
In this leader’s own words he needed to “walk through the door of humility” and do what was needed.
True confessions….I know too well the opposite of humility – PRIDE. My own thick-headed, self-centered, need-to-be-right perspective steadily needs tuning. How about you?
Take a look at a few verses that starkly remind us about the Father’s call to grow in humility.
“Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Prov 11:2
“Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor.” Prov 18:12
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Col 3:12
I have personally experienced how a lack of humility can destroy…
- Marriage and family relationships
- Business partnerships
- Friendships
- Church communities
- A Christian ministry.
The pain of an ego out of control is palpable. I suspect you will have painful stories of your own as you reflect on pride gone unchecked within yourself and those around you.
In their very helpful book, “True Faced”, Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol & John Lynch, provide a helpful definition of humility.
Godly humility is not about negative, self-deprecating, self-loathing commentary about oneself. How often have I heard a leader speak about how humble they are, even as they “beat themselves up”. This is not from God!
Godly humility is a beautiful, Christ-centered view of oneself. Godly humility is not about “who” you are but “whose” you are. Godly humility has you overflowing with so much gratitude because of what He has done for you, that you no longer fixate on the opinions and impressions of others. You are so attuned to Him and His view of you that you no longer need to become defensive. In fact, you know that you can trust Him and others with who you really are.
Are you willing to embrace trusting God and others with who you really are? What’s the alternative? Are you OK with the answer?
A Deliberate Action:
- Reflect on the humility verses.
- Where may pride, ego be getting in the way of you connecting in a meaningful way with those at home, in your business, in your church?
- Are you willing to “walk through the door of humility” and make it right?
- Who will you share this with?
