Enjoy our 6-part series on the small business leader and difficult conversations.
Here is Part 5: Are You a Distracted Leader?
Are you distracted or fully present? Perhaps you can think of a time you were in the middle of a challenging conversation and suddenly you realized you were no longer focused on the person and the reasons why you were talking in the first place. You were NOT PRESENT!
Over the years, I have made significant improvement in this area of my leadership. And yet, at times, I am still tripped up with old habits that creep in to diminish my capacity to connect in a meaningful way with people and produce the results needed from a conversation.
How about you? Are you a distracted or present leader? Use these 3 outcomes to assess which you are. In significant and, at times, challenging conversations, I experience...
Passion: Both parties come away from the conversation feeling understood, valued and engaged in pursuing a solution together.
Clarity: We are both clear and own the needed outcomes for us going forward.
Focus: We leave the conversation focused on our part in taking the next steps.
Here are 6 specific steps you can use to help move from being a distracted leader to one who is fully present during challenging (and all other) conversations.
Embrace biology! Your body itself is designed for relationship - for meaningful connection. Check out the science. A deep sense of connection is at the heart of your God-given design. To be distracted at the best of times--let alone during conversations--is choosing to operate in direct opposition to God has made you and others. Genesis 1:27
Be mindful of your thoughts & emotions. In Philippians 4:8-9 MSG Paul clearly invites us to lead our thoughts and emotions into spaces that honour God and the people around us.
Catch it early. Know the mind and body signals that indicate you are moving away from the person you’re talking with and beginning to wander into fear, anger, excuses, come-backs, pride or the need to be right. Catching yourself early will help prevent you from getting lost and wandering in an important conversation where you are more likely to avoid saying what is needed, giving in to the other person, or dominating the discussion.
Leverage the BIG 3: Breathe - Think - Gratitude! God has designed you with the capacity to stay present even under pressure. The science of intentional breathing, thinking about things that engage your brain, and leveraging gratitude are powerful tools to serve you and the other person.
Ask for help. Invite those with whom you are having conversations to help you. Ask them to provide you feedback on what works and doesn’t work for them during conversations with you.
Turn it off - no devices! Your phone, your watch, your computer...beeping, buzzing, ringing, lighting up and more is NOT HELPING YOU! You must fight for uninterrupted space to be present with self, God and others.
Are you a distracted or fully present leader? Your answer will dictate your capacity to artfully lead challenging conversations - and every other one!
If you are feeling the pain of poor communication at work, at home, or in your community.... join us at our 2 Day course on November 19th & 20th. Click the image below for more details.
A Deliberate Application:
So what’s your answer: distracted or present? Are you OK with your answer?
Ask 5 close family members, friends and/or colleagues for feedback on how they experience you.
Which one of the 5 steps do you think would help most?
When will you start?
Who will you share this with?
