Enjoy this post from our archives.
"I have no-one I can talk to, no-one that I can really be honest with--not at work, not at home, and definitely not in my church." These were the sentiments spoken to me by a leader as we sat and reflected on their business journey.
This leader was clearly feeling lonely at the top!
Over the years I have often wondered about this dynamic as leaders around me have declared their sense of loneliness. Does it need to be that way?
Like other leaders, I often feel the weight of processing very difficult decisions that carry significant impact on the careers and well-being of others. There have been times when I faced decisions that really only I could make--even after helpful discussions and solid counsel, no one else could make the final call for me. In that sense I was truly alone. And while this is true, my contention is this...
It feels lonely at the top only when you have chosen not to build close, meaningful relationships with those who are willing to say what needs to be said and so what needs to be done. None of us were meant to do life on our own!
I believe that it is possible to live and lead in such a way that our attitudes and actions build a robust faith, hope, and love-filled community around us. This choice to build community is at the heart of the movement of the gospel. It is central to Jesus' work in us and through us as we live and lead. This proactive, kingdom approach is core to us experiencing deep, overflowing joy even when we are alone in our leadership decisions. John 15:1-17 NLT.
How lonely are you?
A Deliberate Application:
As a leader, here are 6 questions you can ask to shift the feeling of loneliness to one of deep meaningful connection - even when you are alone.
- Is the pattern of my life one that shows an independence, co-dependence or interdependence on people?
- Is my conviction regarding community based on my feelings and experiences, or on the possibilities of community the way God has designed it for me and others?
- Considering questions 1 and 2, what mindsets have I adopted?
- What are the areas of my character that may keep me from seeking out and engaging with mature Christ-following leaders?
- Who can I process these questions with?
- When will I ask them?
