The following blog is Part 7 of a series on “Moving from Hurried to Purposeful” from Darren Bosch of DeliberateU.
The past few weeks I’ve been confronted with excessive cases of leaders crashing, pastors experiencing breakdowns, and marriages under duress. I’m talking about burnout here... It is totally understandable.
The key question is, how do we recognize the signs to prevent falling over the cliff ourselves? Proverbs says that a wise person listens to good counsel. So… here's a gift for you, the busy leader…
What we’re seeing is what was referred to in the “old” days as a nervous breakdown. When I experienced this in 2012, it happened in a curbside melt-down. Car in the ditch. Left-arm and leg numb. Spiking chest pain that alerted a call to 911. My world came crashing down. Later I found myself crying “for nothing”… for weeks. The physical pain. Arms locked tight for over a month. Not cool.
Yet, what a gift.
God, in His love, was on the move...Pursuing me... Knocking on my door... Wanting my attention. He wanted me to experience more of Him, and less of me. Surrender and transformation are a gift of grace from the hound of heaven.
James says. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener… letting the word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear.” Prior to my crash, I ignored the early warning signs. Like a fool, I brushed off the wise and helpful counsel of others.
Maybe you’re right on the edge of the cliff right now – not even aware. Maybe you’re in free fall. How do you know if you’re more than just tired or overwhelmed? How do you know if you’re burning out?
Here’s my gift to you.
THE WARNING SIGNS:
From professional help and personal experience, here are 7 warning signs that one may be close to the edge – seven gifts to hear and act on.
1. Control
A sense of control is a stress buffer for many leaders. When we feel a loss of control, we often react by becoming rigid, trying to control the crisis response on our own. Others see it, we rarely do. Unknowingly, we often shut out others’ perspectives, becoming more demanding. It becomes consuming… adding more to our stress. A vicious circle. Yet…
A warning sign. A gift.
2. No Margin
Hurried, ‘endangered’ leaders live with little margin – the space to absorb and proactively stickhandle stress, overwhelm, or even crisis.
Our sense of nearness to burnout usually gets uncovered in our schedule. We are left with zero margins for error because we have no space to adjust, never mind restore. It shows up with how others experience us. We’ve been mentally or physically stretched for too long and the elastic eventually snaps. For most leaders, unfortunately, we don’t realize we’re dancing with danger until it’s too late. Often unaware, we hit a wall without seeing it coming, the levee breaks, and the margins give way.
A warning sign. A gift.
3. Dropping Balls
We deny it. Others see it. When we’re heading down an unhealthy path, we often work longer, but start producing less. Even further than that, what we do produce is often of low value.
Then, the juggling act begins and you start to drop balls. What was once routine and easy is not anymore. Even decision-making becomes hard. When chronic hurriedness has us en route to burnout, most things become challenging.
A warning sign. A gift.
4. Hard To be Fully Present
This is otherwise known as shrinking in a shell. Often unaware, we live in our own little world and aren’t fully present with people – even those closest to us. Our team sees us distracted or “in another world” at team meetings. Our spouses and kids see us but don’t see us.
One of the most painful gifts I received was from my 7-year-old as he sat next to me at the dinner table. “Mom, where’s Dad?” I was there in person, but not present. I was shrinking in my shell, consumed with “finding work for the crews”. The stress of “no phones ringing” and plummeting revenue in a recession. Yet…
A warning sign. A gift.
5. Low Satisfaction, High Irritability
One of the hardest aspects of burnout for me was that nothing seemed to satisfy me. Prayer didn’t. Food didn’t. Vacation didn’t. Recreation didn’t. People didn’t.
In fact, people drained me. Worse yet, they often irritated me. Little things would just set me off. When we over-react and make big things out of small things, it’s…
A warning sign. A gift.
6. Ineffective Accountability
Clearly, accountability is vital...Biblical...Not optional.
Think about all the sad stories of beautiful Christian leaders falling. Most of them had accountability partners. Having an accountability partner is great but for it to be effective, we also need to listen… and act! Otherwise, it’s good counsel “in one ear and out the other”... Seeds of grace planted on ineffective soil.
This means full disclosure, vulnerability, and being “above reproach”. It also means having accountability to learn and grow. To change. Not just because “it keeps us in line” or because we heard it’s a healthy thing.
A warning sign. A gift.
7. Hard to experience God
The most common denominator of Christian leaders who are chronically hurried and on the road to burnt-out: God feels distant. They know Him intellectually, but knowing Him personally or practically seems obscure. Elusive.
To be certain, they know what they’re “supposed” to know. They just don’t experience Him. Usually, because their path to get here involved experiencing more of points 1-6 above. Hey, no condemnation. It’s…
A warning sign. A gift.
These are simply indications that a person is yearning for rest, renewal, and a season of restoration.
There are so many more that I don't have the time to share about today. We haven’t even begun to talk about the physical signs of red-lining too long… like insomnia, headaches, etc. Then there’s the whole danger of self-medicating. Stress-eating, overworking, sex, drinking, or drug addictions. People who are burning out almost always choose self-medication over self-care.
Deliberate Application:
- SCORE: How many of these warning signs do you have? Identifying with a few of these may only indicate you’re hurried and tired. If you identify with half, you might be close to the edge. If you identify with most or all, well...
- SEEK: If you think you’re burning out, I encourage you to seek immediate professional help from an experienced, trained, and reputable Christian counselor. I would also encourage you to talk to a close circle of friends.
- SHARE: Who do you know that may be close to burning out in this pandemic? Will you share this gift with them?
