Why can’t I keep it going?

The following blog is the fifth of a 7-part series on “Habits” from Darren Bosch here at DeliberateU. 

It’s been a while since many of us made those New Year’s Resolutions back in January. Did you know that somewhere between 81% and 92% of New Year's Resolutions fail? Well, we’ve learned that new habits are a much more effective approach than making those resolutions. 

Still, why is it so difficult to keep new habits going? How can we make positive change easier… more sustainable?

Most of us aren’t short on hopes and dreams. We’ve all had sudden sparks of aspiration. Maybe you’re ready to embark on an exciting new habit or goal.

• I still want to record an album before I’m 50.
• I dream of our church community thriving and discipling others–sharing Jesus with those still in darkness.
•  I’d love to have an end to the chronic pain I’ve experienced for so long.
• I want to build a tiny-home when the kids move out. 
• And yeah, I want to write a book or two - maybe even a New York Times Bestseller.

You know, life-changing stuff. But nothing unrealistic.

I’m deeply persuaded that all too often, we let our motivations and desires drive us into a frenzy as we try to solve our entire problem at once – never mind change the world—instead of starting one small, new routine that could bring big change over time. I get it. It’s not as cool to have a new habit as it is to say you lost 25 pounds in 2 months. 

So, what’s getting in the way? There are a few important stumbling blocks—common mistakes that often lead to habits failing.

1. WE DON’T KNOW OUR “WHY”.

I remember I once wanted to make a major shift in my life. I had hit a wall and needed to change. My mentor repeatedly asked me, “Why do you want to change?” If we aren’t completely convicted of why this is important, what our motives are, how it will help, and what opportunities it will propel… then I’m afraid it’s too easy to burn out, lose interest or just quit. This is where resolutions are often just good intentions. So, know your why, it’s the rudder that directs your new habits to success. 

2. WE BITE OFF MORE THAN WE CAN CHEW

Dream big, yes, but start small. Don’t try and change everything all at once. (Note to self).

If you're serious about making real change and positive growth, then I encourage you to start small. Small decisions, small scale, small routines - when consistently repeated over time result in big change! Think about it… wouldn’t the easiest and most sustainable way start with small routines that our brains quickly learn and automatically repeat?!

3. WE SEEK A RESULT BEFORE LOVING THE RITUAL

Grit before glamour. Practice before perfection. We don’t like to hear this, but I think most of us bought into the American dream when it comes to wanting positive change. I know I have. All too often, I find myself dreaming of the glamourous “finish line” without being realistic about what’s needed to get there – and enjoying the process. I’m often outcome-focused because I just want this new behaviour to deliver better results.

Here’s the problem: New goals don’t deliver new results, committed rhythms and committed rituals do. A new ritual is not an outcome, it is a process. Our focus should be on building better rituals to reach the desired result, rather than on chasing results from the start.

So… I want to record an album before I’m 50? Maybe I need to just get back into playing music little by little. Build up the calluses on my fingers again. Enjoy the rhythm—literally. So… you want to run a marathon? Try learning the rhythm of running short distances 3 days a week first. Do you wish your church would do more outreach and be like that one you admire every week online? Start by discipling one person this year. It will build the grit, life-lessons, and joy you need to press on to bigger things—if that’s what God has in store. If you want a new habit to stick, you have to first fall in love with a new ritual.

4. I LET MYSELF OFF THE HOOK

 “Oh, just this once. No one is looking”. It’s a dangerous delusion. 

Joe Frazier said it best, “You can map out a fight plan or a life plan, but when the action starts, it may not go the way you planned, and you're down to your reflexes - that means your preparation. That's where your roadwork shows. What you cheated on in the dark of the morning, will get found out under the bright lights.” 

Well said.

Deliberate Application:

1. What is the “why” behind the new habit(s) you want to start?
2. How might you discover joy in the process – in the ritual as opposed to the result?