Enjoy our 6-part series on the small business leader and difficult conversations.
Here is Part 4: Light or dark -- What do you Contribute?
Leader, you know what it’s like. You have to have a conversation with a certain person and you can predict how it will likely go. If you are like most, you are expecting the conversation to be too much of a pain--too much wear and tear and not enough ease.
It takes two people to make a conversation work. You are responsible for your role in helping to make the conversation a success. The other person is responsible for their role.
How you see and enter into a challenging conversation has a significant impact on how the conversation may unfold. At one level, whether you think it will work or you think it won’t, either way you are right! If you see and expect dark, then that’s what you’ll likely experience. If you see and expect light, then that, too, will likely be your experience. What do you see as you come into challenging conversations -- light or dark?
Here are 4 questions you can use to assess what you see and how you show up? In challenging conversations do I usually...
Avoid? My capacity to bring the grace and truth of Christ into a difficult conversation is low to non-existent. I put my head down and “keep my nose clean”. I work at not ruffling any feathers. I don’t engage. When I think of having a difficult conversation I run the other way.
When you avoid you are contributing to the dark.
Pull? I can handle hearing what the other has to say about the issue. I may ask questions to help them feel like I am hearing them. At the same time, I do not give them my honest view of how I see things. I hold back my truth while creating space for them to tell me theirs.
When you pull you are contributing to the dark.
Push? I make sure the other person is clear on where I stand. They are clear on what I am thinking and yet they feel like they have not been heard or listened to. I typically dominate the discussion to make sure I am heard.
When you push you are contributing to the dark.
Partner? I can see what may be possible in this conversation. I come into the discussion with my convictions on the worth of the person clear. I am confident something good for them and for me could come from our conversation. I pursue hearing what’s most important for the other person. I also do my best to ensure they are clear on what is important to me.
When you partner you are contributing to the light.
When you avoid, pull or push, you are contributing to the dark -- a diminishing of what may be possible in this relationship. When you partner you are creating the conditions for light to shine. Darkness in conversations minimizes hope and promotes fear. Light invites you and the other person into what’s possible and opens up faith, hope, and love.
To partner during tough conversations:
requires you to be a leader of good, godly character;
means your identity is secure in Christ;
demonstrates you find your value & worth in Him, not in the response of the other person;
means you know that the outcome--whether good or not-so-good--does not define you;
demonstrates you have the space to really love the other person and see them as God sees them.
So leader, are you an avoider, a puller, pusher or partner. What are you contributing to your challenging conversations?
If you are feeling the pain of poor communication at work, at home, or in your community.... join us at our 2 Day course on November 19th & 20th. Click the image below for more details.
A Deliberate Application:
How do you come into tough conversations? Are you an avoider, puller, pusher or a partner?
How do you know? Are you willing to ask and find out how others experience you?
With whom will you share your reflections?
