How Are You Doing?

The following blog is Part 9 of a series on “Moving from Hurried to Purposeful” from Darren Bosch.

How many times have you asked someone “How are you doing?”, and they respond with, “Busy!”?

In that response, they did not actually answer your caring inquiry and they unknowingly sabotaged their credibility as a leader. Further, in their hurriedness, they potentially hijacked an opportunity to bless.

As Christ-following leaders, here’s why I suggest we do well to remove this response from our repertoire… and learn better ways.

We’re all busy. That comes with the position of being a leader. Deliberate leaders are often busy, but not hurried. Jesus himself was very busy, but not hurried.  

Often the “Oh, I’m so busy” response is actually “hurry sickness”. I would suggest that responding with “I’m so busy” does three things:

1. Reveals our leadership
2. Drains our credibility
3. Limits the God-story

When asked how I’m doing, here’s why I needn’t respond with “Busy”.

1. IT REVEALS OUR LEADERSHIP

Being busy is not a badge of honour.

Newsflash: We are not a “hero” by being busier than others. Our culture has hoisted the notion of "busyness" onto such a pedestal that many have simply learned to respond this way merely as a status symbol.

In the past, I would work ridiculous hours – and be sure to let others know (subtly of course to maintain my “martyr syndrome”). I burned the candle at both ends with noble church and community work. I would even brag about my lack of sleep that week, or not attending my family’s vacation because “I have so much to do”. Worse yet, I thought less of others who didn’t. I viewed them as lazy or irresponsible.

I was unaware and delusional; arrogant and prideful. I wore my hurriedness as a badge of honour.

Not only was it destructively sad, but it was also poor thinking.  More yet, it was weak theology, because I didn’t have my identity in Jesus.  My sense of worth came from what I did and accomplished…and what it took to get there. I would even show up to public functions late and rushed, hoping guests would think, “Man, that guy sure works hard. Look at all his obligations and responsibilities. He’s so industrious, such a servant-heart.”  

Does that mean all who respond with “I’m so busy” are like I was? Of course not…  but an addict can easily spot another addict.  

It doesn’t have to be this way. Hang around effective leaders for a while and you’ll notice an inner calm and resolve, despite being in the press.  A deliberate leader rests in the unresolved, they offer a vulnerable, gracious, or inquisitive response… despite being busy.

2. IT DRAINS MY CREDIBILITY

Responding “I’m so busy” can actually convey:

a) "I’m not growing people". Show me someone who keeps telling everyone they're busy, and you often see a leader who needs to grow in investing in others. Effective leaders know how to build, enable, and inspire people to accomplish something bigger and better than they could do on their own. They look for smarter ways.

b) "I'm disorganized". In a lot of cases, a frantic pace is simply a lack of clarity, organization, and healthy habits.  

c) "I don't have clarity of what matters most". Without clarity of purpose, and focus on what’s most important, it's easy to get lured into the frenzy of putting out fires. Because “I’m so needed”. It might look like hard work, but in many cases, it's just squandered energy.

c) “I can’t say no”. Enough said. 

3. IT LIMITS THE GOD-STORY

Starting conversations about how busy you are is a great way to miss an opportunity to bless… shoot a nail in your foot…to drain a relationship. Why? Unknowingly, you put up a wall with the person who cared enough to genuinely see how you’re doing.  

Further, you stunt the opportunity to share deeper reflections… where God is at work in your life. Ultimately, they don’t get to be blessed by the God story in the challenging or hectic season you’re in.

Deliberate Application:

So what might be a better way to respond when someone asks, “Hey, how are you doing?”:

• Be thoughtful and real. Maybe something like, “I’m doing well. Life’s a bit challenging right now, but it is well with my soul. Pressed but not crushed. You know, God is really showing me…”

• Be humble and inquisitive. “I’m actually in a season of struggle right now. Doing well, but feel stretched too thin. How do you manage to juggle all your roles these days? …Could we pray together?”

• Be a hope dispenser.  “Yes, well I’m really enjoying where God has me right now. What that looks like is…”